omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
