Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
