How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
