guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
