HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
