Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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