I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
