You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
