I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
