K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
