did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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