Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
