Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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