dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
