anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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