I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
