I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
