I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Randomize
