I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
