Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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