3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
