Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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