You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
