yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
