Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
