Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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