she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
