I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
