I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
