Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
