Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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