I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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