i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
