We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
