I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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