from now on my penis is your penis
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
