Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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