its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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