I cannot find my penis.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
