I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
