I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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