It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
