no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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