Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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