i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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