I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
