maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
