i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
