Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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