you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
