those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
